scumhunter's Journal

Ginmar rides again.
So my wife was reading Ginmar's LJ and proceeding show me the following from her:

Dear Dads:
If you describe parenting as spending time with your kids and 'lots of fun' you've just revealed that parenting is a hobby for you, and not a devotion. If you've ever yelled at your wife, "Honey, the diaper bag is empty," you're still just a babysitter.

"He often helps with homework."

"Even though his wife stays home with the kids...."

"He attends almost all school events."

"Would your wife say that you do the fun part of parenting?"

"Dad's like a kid."

Uh, asshole? These are not endorsements.

Christ on a crutch. The price of your fun parenting is that your wife gets to do all the hard labor, all the ugly stuff, all the support stuff in the wings, and I bet she's the bad guy, too, so if you guys get divorced, she starts out on the wrong foot.

You're not a dad if you think fatherhood is babysitting your own damned kids. This is one of those things that pisses me off the most. You signed up for fatherhood, dipshit. It's not a hobby. You don't credit when you take the fun parts of the job and leave the mess to your wife. It's like treating women as human beings. It's not optional.

If you're such a good dad, why are you teaching your kids that fatherhood is about babysitting, and doing the fun shit, while your wife does the shit work? You're just doing a variation on what your distant dad did thirty years ago, and you want a cookie?

No. At least your dad was honest. You're just a hobby dad. Of course you're one of the kids; what you're not is an adult. Somebody's got to be, and that's your wife. You're measuring yourself not against her, but against your dad, who worked sixteen hours a day. This is called privilege, otherwise known as 'women have cooties.' You can't even judge yourself against them.

Now go do some housework, and don't expect applause, either. Just do it.

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I replied to her with:

Dear Moms,

If you want me to be an equal partner in parenthood then you better dammed well treat me like an equal partner. Don't treat me as your sperm donor to be used and then blamed when I return emotional isolation in kind. Don't greet me upon my return from a 13 hour work day by immediately going through my pockets for money, while I'm still wearing them. Don't tell me constantly that I can never be as good a parent as you just because I'm a man and not a woman. Don't point at every commercial on TV that makes fun of a father's parenting ability and giggle.

When we made that child I seem to recall we were both there. We both signed up for this. We both have contributions to make to the upbringing of our children.

Ginmar, if you seriously think that most fathers would not rather stay home and be with their children, stinky diapers and all, then you really are showing ignorance and bigotry to half the species. So forgive me if I happen to enjoy being with my children. Forgive me that I work 50 hours a week in a place I'd rather not be, doing something I'd rather not do just so I can provide some useless money for food and shelter. Forgive me if, upon my arrival home, I want to spend a little time with my children reminding myself why I do these things. Forgive me if I happen to enjoy being a dad.

Then, should I happen to spend the rest of my evening, helping out around the house where I can, please forgive me if I should get a little tired.

You don't want a babysitter? Don't treat me like one.
Most men don't want applause. Most men want the same thing most women want. Respect and the recognition of their contribution. Give us that and we might just surprise you
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Her response was as follows:

Yeah, asshole, go whine somewhere else to somebody who believes you. Fuck off.
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Form your own opinion. She banned me as well. Guess she prefers to be insulted than spoken to with respect.

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